Introduction | Worst of the Worst | Anti MySpace and Xanga Propoganda
I'm sure you will have seen one of these sites before. Their crepulent design and abhorrent colours besmirch the eye like a furrow burnt across the cornea with a white hot knife blade. However we are not here to discuss the horrors of those sites in which mothers enshrine their still born foetii. Rather, we are here to speak of something far, far worse. The twin devils of MySpace and Xanga, and all their dastardly offspring.
Forgive me my loquacity, friends, for I am just a humble wordsmith whose dreams are nightly haunted by the thought of these ravaging behemoths. In my fevered nightmares I twist and turn along silvered strands of the interweb; at every stage I am confronted by the gaping maw of vacuous, self obsessed MySpace cretin, proclaiming to all and sundry that “my shit is pimp bling, fo’ shizzle”
Leaving aside the nausea induced by this defilement and bastardisation of the purity of the English Language, we come upon the first visual sign of the depravity which MySpace has forced into the souls of these beleaguered fools. A deep, dank blackness spreads it vile visage across my monitor; not the pleasant inky depths of space, this dark, but a hellish, yawning pit into which your soul is subsumed, the totality of your being plucked through your fluttering eyelids.
If by some quirk of chance you should manage to avoid being turned into a brain addled zombie by the soul destroying backdrop, next your glazed eyes will espy the crazed text. Coloured either a vivid red, as though the monster MySpace had run a delicate blade across a wrist and allowed the diseased blood to spurt upon the page, or a midnight purple, almost as dark as the backdrop upon which it is placed; the words will writhe and hiss and beneath your gaze, trying their utmost to avoid the indignity of being read.
If perchance you do manage, for a moment, to pin a sentence to your screen what you will read there will make your blood run cold as ice. The beast that is MySpace sucks from those who fall prey to it all vestiges of sentience; leaving behind mere dull automatons. Where once upon eagles wings soared the breathtaking literary inventions of Shakespeare and Wodehouse, crystalline creations of sugary dreams spun into scintillating fantasies, was king, now a dreary, uninspired drudgery holds sway. The devil of MySpace subdues ad attempt to break from the debasing banality of common existence, mercilessly crushing creativity beneath its leaden feet.
But you must not blame these wretched fools for what they have become. Although undoubtedly lacking in the courtesys and pleasures of life, they were sold a dream. A dream of 'my MSN space', a mythical nirvana where free webspace abounds and they could be surrounded by educated, erudite friends who would not look down upon them, but rather raise them up. This dream was not to be. Xanga, a mosquito circling the the great bulk of 'my MSN space' struck. Driving its proboscis deep into 'my MSN space' it leached the gentle giants blood until, bloated and satiated, it feel away. Xanga left behind in the bloodstream of the gentle giant a pernicious virus which corrupted 'my MSN space' until all that was left was an empty, evil husk known as 'MySpace'.
As Xanga lay panting on the ground, its belly swollen and distended with the lifeblood it had leached, it became aware of a shadow which had fallen upon it. Startled and looking upwards the vile creature espied the looming bulk of MySpace descending upon it. Fearing for its life the mosquito tried to fly, but its distended stomach rendered it incapable. Myspace however did not want to kill it, but to create an unholy union between the dastardly duo, spawning lesser Social networking sites such as Flickr and LiveJournal. The vile stench of their matrimony speards its tentacles across the entire interweb now.
The worst constituent of this phenomenon has to be the crass vultures who circle the helpless proles. Offering ‘MySpace layouts’, ‘MySpace backgrounds’ and many other foetid, multihued MySpace addons, the cynical marketers seek to separate the already emotionally impoverished from their small store of material wealth. The lure of layouts, backgrounds and graphics proves too much for most to resist and they are sucked into the gaping maw of the singularity; an ever growing black hole into which money is send swirling in the vague hope that one more layout, one more background or one more free cursor may be the purchase to tip their empty lives into the nirvana known as ‘popularity’. Their gullibility and culpability is sadly abused by these cretinous purveyors of rancid goods.
We most let cry havoc and slip the dogs of war upon the lumpen proletariat; we must allow the rending teeth to save those whose souls have been lost to the slavering Monster MySpace. We must strike while the iron of indignation is hot in our hands; their pain shall make them transcendent and their screams will be those of gratitude for those who release them from their prison. As their pretty faces are raised to the heavens they shall rejoice the freedom they embrace, as their bodies evanesce from view and their bones break down with a brittle crackle in the cleansing fire they shall fear no more the totalitarian tyranny of MySpace, dominating and destroying all aspects of their lives.
Join me, my friends. Become a part of CAMP, the Campaign Against MySpace Proletarians. Spread the word by distributing the banners below, or come spew forth your distaste for the malaise which has overtaken our youth in our forums. My time here is done, for hark I can hear the beating of MySpace and its mate Xanga upon my door. I entrust this sacred task to you, my friends. Do not fail me now.
If by now you have read through my rant, and still have no inkling of what I am on about, maybe it is time to show you some of the more putrescent specimens I have found in my time. Belows are some of the most horrific MySpace sites, along with a few short comments on their utter crepulence:
For the 'oh dear god my eyeballs are being sucked from their sockets and my face is melting' element of Xanga I mentioned earlier, this site is a prime example. A picture of the grim reaper cemented into then black backdrop, followed by livid red text. Not the worst by a long way, but sure to give you eye ache after a few short minutes.
Apart from the rancid colours and sickening background (which tiles far too many times) this site has two things that make me loathe it. Hover over the navigation bar. Yes, that really just happened. Has this girl never heard of proper CSS? Secondly ... James Blunt. Enough said.
This girl should be shot. After a few moments your eyes may adjust to the candy striped backdrop and the cramped, barely legible text ... but then the music starts. Like the wail of a tortured cat whose whiskers are being plucked out one by one, it sears across the soul. This is also a prime example of the fatuous, vacuous content I mentioned earlier.
This one falls firmly under the 'dastadly offspring' category. In its own pecualiar way it is utterly, utterly sickening. The debased language is ... barbaric is not the way to describe it. Sub-human, perhaps. "Welcome 2 Kat n Soph's syt!! Hope yas enjoy it n erm... sign the guestbook pleeeeaaase !! Oh n if you wanna be on it just send us a pic on MSN , adios x x x". Hideous.
The sad thing is, I didn't have to search very hard to find these. Infact most, if not all of them, took me less than 5 minutes browsing. MySpace does this. I rots peoples minds. If you find any more abhorrant sites, please let me known through the forums and I will shame them here. MySpace and Xanga must die.
I beg of you, do all you can to halt the spread of the ravaging behemoths. Use the below banners if you will; simply use the code below to add them to your website or signature. The more people who get our message, the more we may save:
Hotlink this Anti MySpace banner (Forums):
Hotlink this Anti MySpace banner (Forums):
Hotlink this Anti MySpace banner (Forums):
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